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Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 15, Episode 11
The following is a guide to Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions from the 11th episode of the 15th series. Key JR- Jon Robins SP- Sara Pascoe RB- Rob Beckett EG- Ed Gamble HD- Hugh Dennis JA- James Acaster Topics Unlikely Things To Hear On Crimewatch JA- If you have any information about this crime or any other crime, then keep your mouth shut! Snitches get stitches! Bowbowbow! JR- A relative paid tribute to the victim who, sadly, did in the blaze. He said he was the kind of guy that just lights up a room. SP- Scientists have discovered that the majority of murderers are men, so what should we be doing? How should we support female murderers? Should we be subsidizing childcare-- (breaks out laughing) EG- The suspects defecated on Boris Johnson's doorstep. Witnesses describe the man as an absolute legend. RB- No Crimewatch tonight, but reruns of Top Of The Pops 2 are on BBC Four now, so just... EG- The man broke into Battersea Dogs' Home and released all the dogs. Police are desperately searching for leads. HD- The criminals then blew the safe, but however hard it blew, it just stayed where it was. SP- Oh no! A city up north has gone missing! It begins with "L" and is great. Police are desperately looking for Leeds. HD- (showing off his watch) Do you like it? It's a Rolex, I nicked that. That is a crime watch. JA- And now as bit of fun, we're going to the blooper reel. (mimes holding a shotgun) "Gimme all your honey-- I mean, money!" JR- According to police, there were wet footprints leading across the bedroom carpet, 'cause one of us doesn't know what a bathmat is! JA- The murderer says she did it "'cause he made so many jokes about me on Mock The Week, I couldn't hack it anymore." EG- Were you in the Wetherspoons at 9:00 AM? If you were, we want you to contact us. There was no crime, we just wanna work out what went wrong in your life. HD- Right, let's have a look at Britain's most unwanted. This is Sam Aladais. EG- The victim's name was Jehovah. Police are looking for witnesses. RB- (to someone off-camera) You know, like, greeting cards are like four quid, innit they, but if you put 'em in the self-service, there's no weight on them, so-- (turns to camera) Hello, welcome to Crimewatch! Unlikely Lines From A Fantasy Film JR- But the ring was lost. Frodo looked up. This rectal exam went very wrong. HD- I was Gandalf the Grey. But now, after only three washes... RB- Would a mad lord defeat the leper queen? Rob Beckett, Fox News, Washington. SP- My magic powers are strong. Put any penis in my hand and watch it grow. EG- Your Majesty, I have ridden here for two weeks one horseback to deliver this important message from your brother. (gives the finger) JA- Hufflepuff? Oh, great, I'm getting bullied! RB- Frodo, it's so far. Can't we just split a cab fare? HD- No, sorry, darling. That's a ticket. No, this is a double yellow brick road. EG- I am Thor, John Thor, and I am a Morse god. JA- 'Tis I, Merlin, grand wizard and supplier of premier sticker albums. Shazam, a shiny! SP- Oh no, I've been bitten by some radioactive corduroy! That's means I'm going to become... James Acaster Man! HD- (Mackem accent) No, I'm sorry, Alice. This is Sunderland. EG- After traveling across the dark seas and desolate plains, finally, I am home-- I left my keys at Clive's! JA- Uh, we actually find the term "unicorn" quite offensive. We prefer "skinny rhinoceri." HD- Call yourself an Orc? Oh, yeah, you can talk the Orc, but can you walk the Orc? JA- Do not go in there! It is an absolute bloodbath! It is literally a lion in a wardrobe! I can not ever phrase that enough! Killed the witch-- OH MY GOD! RB- Oh, what's that, the film's gone on for nine hours and I don't know what you're doing anymore, so you're just getting an army of the undead to save the day? Fucking turn it in. Category:Scenes We'd Like To See